when i was 4, i would wake with the birds & escape outside, to play in the forested park close to the student residences of the university at which my mother was studying english lit. i would disappear into the trees like a pygmy injun, leaving my mother to wake up, find me gone, and frantically try to track me down. she soon developed a routine of places to check which included 2 other apartments in the building, whose inhabitants were accustomed to my early morning knock. my mother installed a strategy to halt my blithe exploratory twinkletoes, in the form of a slide bolt lock located high up on the front door of our apartment. mind and will combining like a bulldozer and a steel trap, and somewhat smarter than a chimpanzee: i rolled our round orange wood coffee table over to the door, placed a chair on top of it, slid back the bolt, and continued on my way.

dear doctor dan,

this morning when i woke up, i discovered my boyfriend, Dirk Wiggler, naked in the storage room of our apartment, unpacking our stuff (we just moved in 2 weeks ago). he said he had to take his housecoat off because it got too hot moving things around. i would send pictures as proof, but he seemed a little embarrassed to be caught in such a risqué act, so in the interests of preserving his dignity, i will keep them for myself.

i should mention, just to put this in perspective, that we are due to have a baby in less than two weeks, which means i've been much more physically limited, while he's been able to shunt boxes and furniture around like superman. so by default he seems to have taken on more of the unpacking and organising of our place. (at the same time, i seem to be the one out and about shopping and arranging the "external stuff" for the baby's arrival). still, i'm wondering, should i be worried? is this a new, undiscovered fetish? could this lead to something more serious?

signed, Pregnant Ogler Of Boyfriend

--
dear POOB,

( i really can't assess your boyfriend's problem unless... )

"not everything has to be efficient."

over the past week, we packed, moved, unpacked a little, & moved more stuff into a condo with a view of downtown and the mountains. we also managed to get to a hallowe'en party where i went as an 8-ball and james was the cue ball. all that said, i'm now 36.5 weeks pregnant, undeniably scattered, and surrounded by unidentified boxes and upended furniture. more... soon...

don't click here. it's stupidly addictive, especially if you get into the top 10 after 3 rounds (2.30). thank god for the internets! i'd be FAR too productive without those lovable tubes.

last night i went to Vancouver's third Pecha Kucha event: a series of mostly visual presentations delivered by creative people in the strict format of 20 slides, 20 seconds per slide. the first speaker up was the founder of the Cheaper Show, a so-far local exhibition of local and international artists selling pieces for prices ranging from $75-$200. these are artists ranging from the founder's mum, to so-and-so who usually sells work for $75,000 a frame. it's a very popular event, and has run every year for the last 8 years, with line-ups for blocks at entry.

our unbearably annoying prime minister of the then-and-unfortunately-now Conservative thank-god-it's-a-minority government, Stephen Harper, recently caused a furor in the creative sector of our republic for cutting arts funding by $45million. he justified the cuts by stating that "ordinary people don't care about the arts", which, he further claimed, are in effect subsidized by taxpayers who only get to watch rich cats on TV whine about their grants at glitzy galas.

so, there i was, solo and large of girth, perched on the end of a row in a packed 500-seat movie theatre, musing on the photo being shown of the huge line-ups - mostly populated by "ordinary people" - to get into the Cheaper Show. when the speaker launched into his slide about what he's going to do with the show in the future, seems my brain operated my mouth before my censor could shut everything down, and i bellowed out, "INVITE HARPER!"

there were a few laughs throughout the audience, and the speaker was thrown for a second, but then he replied that he would, indeed, do so. however i think my unknown companion on my right shrivelled up and died, of fright or embarrassment, possibly both. shortly after i reassured him that i wouldn't be yelling all the way through the show. he laughed; it was good to confirm that he still had a pulse.

then at some later point in the show the guy sitting right behind me yelled out something else, at another speaker. either he was inspired by the loud pregnant woman in blue velvet, or we were both sitting in a unique vortex that had sucked our little censors into a black hole, loud heckling not exactly being canadian pastimes.

heh :) check out this mobile shopping convenience aid, that will be delivered to my home tomorrow. finally, the "european lifestyle cart" (previously known as granny cart) REVOLUTION has arrived to this distant left coast!

you see, being in the late stages of pregnancy has its challenges. most days now i feel like a cross between a creaky, slow, lumbering little old lady, and a small child who imagines she can get away with anything. it's quite liberating. you should try it.

one of the more annoying aspects of being so heavy and awkward is the fact that i have started to drive everywhere - mainly because i usually need to carry stuff & believe me, carrying a near-term baby is weight enough. oh sure, i've backpacked 30-50lbs up a mountain for 5 hours just fine, but having the equivalent of that backpack strapped to my stomach on a daily, minute-to-minute basis? never. now if i overdo it with the walking and carrying business, my stretchy joints/ back/ hip/ sacroiliac/ pelvic girdle just might ache like hell for a day or two.

lately now, i've been driving mere blocks to shop, which is boring beyond compare. so i bit the bullet, put blinkers on, pretended i was european [according to the marketeers], & fell in love with aforelinked little shopping trolley. if there's ever a time i will be able to get away with using something so... so... UN-Coolly Conservative Canuckistanian, it'll be when i'm feeling like something between a little old blue-hair, and a little kid.

the best part is that now i can get out into the fresh air and walk those few blocks, to pick up a non-plastic bag of groceries. or two. ditto, once the baby is born and on me in a carrier, the trolley will be even more useful. heck, maybe i'll start a revolution! YAY!

James and i have a few baby names picked out, but we are still a bit ambivalent. so far, we both like & can agree on "Quinn" for a boy, from the Irish and meaning "wise counsel, intelligent"; and "Kailani" for a girl, from the Hawaiian for "sky" "sea-sky", meaning, "horizon" [thanks Rick], or the Javanese, meaning "careful". we have yet to make a good list though, so they're not set in stone.

and now for the baby polls! but first, the deets so you can make your best guesstimate. they say that the woman's pregnancy tends to follow her mother's pattern, but i'll give you James' side too. if someone not on LJ wants to leave a guesstimate, feel free to leave a comment.

( the deets, if you want some (possibly confounding genetic/ heritage) facts to go with your intuition - or just go straight to the poll: )

Poll #1283504 baby polls!
This poll is closed.
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 7

what is our baby's gender?

what's your guesstimate on the baby's weight?

what's your guesstimate on the actual date of birth? (due date is Nov. 28th.)

there's something oddly amusing about boogeying around the house to loud music, with an extremely large (35week) belly. it turns out, the internal amusement only fuels the boogeying :) which reminds me, it can be a lot of fun to dress up as something so NOT-you, like, bling-gone-bad. what the heck am i going to do for this hallowe'en? something simple, like, a black t-shirt with the eight-ball painted on my belly, and James as pool shark with pool cue... a large range of jokes fall outta that one...

oh, right. "i'm going to spend the month of october here on LJ warming up my p's and q's, not to mention my digits, for National Novel Writing Month, which takes place in november." yeah, well - my lack of warming up doesn't bode well for Nanomo, but i'll see what i can pull out of my... hat come November 1st.

although the problem with THAT date is it'll be the second day of moving into our condo. YES! we finally got completion on the new condo i put a downpayment on, over 2.5 years ago, and not a day too soon! consequently, i am boogeying around the house doing some light packing. no, i assure you, no heavy lifting, nothing strenuous - so far just the things we can do without for a week or two, like books, CDs, off-season clothing, etc.

our first day of moving will be next Wednesday the 29th, followed by Saturday the 1st. then we shall be installed into our new place! the baby is technically due one month after that. since i don't particularly want a terribly early arriving baby, i'm taking care not to let anything harsh my mellow, and we'll be asking friends to help out & hiring guys to do the heavy lifting. w00t!

i'm so out of practice with this writing thing now. so how about a meme?

courtesy of burning_brain about 6 years ago:

- List ten habits/ quirks/ facts about yourself.
- Tag ten people to do the same.

1. i spent almost all of my teenage summers, and a few years here and there, in an intentional community (spiritual focus) in jakarta, indonesia. some of my closest friends today date from that time, but all of them live a long drive or air trip away.

2. i can't stand feeling stuff on the tiles or carpet inside, under my feet - the floor itself might have its own texture, which is fine, i just can't stand it if i feel stuff that's not meant to be there under my feet. i have to put shoes on &/or sweep it clear. outdoors however, i revel in barefeet on grass, stones, sand... i don't even get this contradiction myself. i'm like the princess and the pea, only on floors...

3. i don't like fruit juice, and if i must drink it, prefer it watered down. apple juice is my LEAST favourite drink, and i've come to realise that this aversion is due to the fact that when sick as a kid, apple juice was invariably the drink my mum gave me to rehydrate. as a result, it tends to taste like vomit to me. ahhh, the primitive brain and its associations...

4. i am a technophile anti-anythingfundamentalist pale greenie whose curiosity is human nature and its motivations. accordingly, my life's motto might be, "everything in moderation - including moderation".

5. i have near-perfect spelling abilities, but i can read a sentence ten times and not see my own typo.

6. i really get the difference between "thinking i know" and knowing. but i have to feel the latter to really know. ya know?

7. i like kraft singles in grilled cheese sandwiches and on burgers, with mandatory dill pickles. otherwise, i can't stand the stuff.

8. i have been fascinated by astrology for some 20 years. i have rarely made decisions based on astrology though; by "fascinated" i mean as a an observer, looking at how the dots connect, if at all.

9. i have some first nations/ native ancestry; although not raised on reserve, and knowing relatively little about the culture, i was given the "wolf" by my grandfather, as my personal totem. (interestingly, my chinese year is the dog :)) our family is deer clan (artists, dancers).

10. in the big picture i think i'm pretty normal. James had no input when asked if i had any unusual quirks or habits about me :)

I tag/annoy: carrieaki, dogbreathcanada, flipzagging, halfcore, humrhums, paraluna, thief_of_night, tirednhungry, turnip, weelisa.

i forgot to mention. i'm going to spend the month of october here on LJ warming up my p's and q's, not to mention my digits, for National Novel Writing Month, which takes place in november. crazy, i'm sure, but how often in my life am i going to take a month "off" the usual busyness, in preparation for the baby? i'll have enough to do, but i'll be dedicating at least a few hours each day towards writing (not sure what, exactly, but i'm hoping that develops). now, it would be cool, but i'm not expecting a nobel prize-worthy 50,000-word novel to spring fully formed from my creative loins. i AM however expecting to have fun trying, and to end up with some interesting material that might, one day, be refined into a piece or two of good writing.

James startled me awake too early this morning by shouting "HELP!!!" into what happened to be my right ear, and after rousing slightly to have a few giggles, rolled promptly back into a happier dreamscape. i, on the other hand, was not so successful at returning to sleep. he's been extremely busy & is rather sleep deprived, but i think it's only fair that i now sneak back into the bedroom and execute a flying triple somersault through his sweet floating cloud of oblivion. HELP!!!

took me a while to believe that this guy wasn't just putting on a spoofy persona à la Tom Cruise as Frank T.J. Mackey in Magnolia, or Borat, for the sake of youtube and the internets:



apparently, Dimitri is completely for real. he has a website too. currently hovering between hahaha internet, and OMFG.

do you wish you were a little more airy-fairy? do you have a hankering to be the butt of enduring jokes, the centre of non-stop laughter and entertainment for all your friends? follow these quick n' easy steps to achieve the zen detachment of pregnancy brain! who said zen masters weren't idiots!

1. drop important insurance documents into mailbox, without a postage stamp. realise that this was the case, one whole week later. wonder what to do. forget it happened. remember it happened. wonder what to do. repeat in an endless loop

2. when a friend describes meeting someone she names "Feelgood Fellow", muse silently in the background on what his parents were thinking... where they were from... and what your friend's lecherous intentions might be regarding said acquaintance... later in the conversation, by the time the name has been used a few more times, ask - sincerely! - if "Feelgood Fellow" is REALLY his name. watch, puzzled, as friends fall off their chairs cry-laughing for several minutes. find out the guy's name is actually "Phil Goodfellow". laugh along, blame pregnancy brain, muse silently if "Fellow" is a more common surname than "Goodfellow"

3. go online to check bank account. get confused about income-to-date, because April's salary was deposited in early May (and therefore must "belong" to May). reason to yourself that you'd only committed a simple, common variation on the "fencepost error". remember the time you had to explain, with great difficulty and ultimate failure, what a "fencepost error" was. then think about the sheep farm you worked on in Australia where you spent much time painting fenceposts, and whether you made any errors. decide that there's no analogy to be made. think about sheep. let online bank account session time-out. close the browser. forget to pay the bills

4. listen to prenatal fitness instructor tell the class about the new dates and times for the class through her week of holiday. read the notice of her absence on the venue's door, listing new dates, times and alternative instructor. read notice again next time. arrive at cancelled fitness class anyway (thereby missing earlier alternative class). see two other pregnant women, also afflicted with pregnancy brain. go for a donut

it's 81*F, and the cultural transition is complete: i'm in a wifebeater and flipflops and until we stopped at DQ for a peanut buster parfait, James was driving sans shirt.

but that was last week. long before that we were camping along the Oregon coast, down through the Redwoods, and on to visiting friends just outside SF. we've just returned home to Vancouver after a little more visiting in Nelson, BC. Nelson takes the cake so far for best small town; both cultured and funky, with dozens of great eateries, all within minutes and hills galore. and let's not mention the lake. it's been a fun and beautiful trip; pictures revealing all will be posted as proof.

our hospitable friends, the coast, the Redwoods, the Gorge, and Spokane's conservatory aside, i'm most impressed with how i've managed almost two weeks of camping, hiking and visiting without deodorant of any description, and a mere three pairs of socks. i'll have to add this apparent accomplishment to backpacking 10kgs (including hiking boots, sleeping bag and thermarest) around eastern Europe for 4 weeks.

completely coincidentally, a friend sent me this forward today. it's funny, touching, and inspiring:

The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination

By J.K. Rowling, author of the best-selling Harry Potter book series, delivers her Commencement Address, "The Fringe Benefits of Failure, and the Importance of Imagination."

Copyright of JK Rowling, June 2008
_________________________________________________

President Faust, members of the Harvard Corporation and the Board of Overseers, members of the faculty, proud parents, and, above all, graduates.

The first thing I would like to say is 'thank you.' Not only has Harvard given me an extraordinary honour, but the weeks of fear and nausea I've experienced at the thought of giving this commencement address have made me lose weight. A win-win situation! Now all I have to do is take deep breaths, squint at the red banners and fool myself into believing I am at the world's best-educated Harry Potter convention.( Read more... )

question:

what are you really good at? i think that means, what is it that you really love doing - what do you "lose yourself" in - what opens up an entirely new vista - that other people simultaneously really appreciate about you, are perhaps touched and even amazed by? do you do it all the time, or does it not matter that you don't? ( Read more... )

james and i have combined our condiments. this was a major step in our relationship. i fear it may be the end, however, because we are going to die of starvation, or more likely, malnutrition from overdosing on hoisin sauce, thai barbeque sauce, shrimp cocktail sauce, lemon butter, tomatillo salsa (2 bottles), olive tapenade, double-fruit jam, and "we-have-to-keep-this-it's-real-pesto-from-italy". thank god i didn't see the moutarde à l'ancienne in the back on the second shelf because in buying another jar of it today, we won't lack for zing on our sandwiches. clearly, the only solution is to get a second fridge for REAL food.



Poll #1220745 have a little dinner with your condiments?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 5

do the available condiments determine your dinner, or do you decide what to make and hope you have something to flavour it with?

dude is a laugh a minute:

so, the winter of fun with James extended into the spring ( ... )

i couldn't decide what to post to best represent my fall-winter 2007. so i decided to reduce it to some of the fun stuff:

( a couple pics: )

okay, i've been irresponsible. i've told you nothing! NOTHING!

[insert manic laughter here: "MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"]

i mean, knowledge is power, i guess that means i'm on my way to being omnipotent?

what i've been neglecting to tell you is...

[insert drum roll here: ratatatatatatataaaaat, or whatever sound makes sense to you, i'm sure in France it's something like rrrrootootootootoooot]

that after all that bitching and complaining and railing at the universe in my last entry, and feeling all high and mighty sitting on that appropriately-sized high pony of mine, i got my bus pass back. somebody returned it to transit - maybe that lady i got in a huff about, i can't know for sure. i have, however, been well-chastened and humbled as a result. that'll teach me to jump to conclusions. again.

i guess there's other news too, but so much has happened over the past... well, 6-8 months that i'll have to tell you in installments. in order to decrease the shock value and all. but because i'm a visual person, it'll be in picture installments. i promise that the whole picture (pun intended) will be up to date within one week, for that is 'round about the time i take off to portland, et al, for a short trip.

my university gives its students bus-passes for the academic year, and for those who continue through the summer, another one for that time. the cost is rolled into annual fees, and the pass amounts to a savings of about $50 per month. not too shabby. they have your picture ID on them, they get you anywhere through the 3 zones on bus, aquabus, and skytrain, and cost $20 to replace.

anyhoo, the other day i was walking along, singing fragments of other people's songs*, when i espied a UBC bus pass lying in the middle of the street. knowing its value, i picked it up, and when i got home i googled to find a contact for its owner. long story short, she emailed me back immediately, and i arranged to meet her on campus and return the goods. i can work anywhere these days, and it may as well be campus... so, no sweat off my back (aside from the horrendous bike ride up the interminable hill). the intermediate contact i'd found even emailed me saying she was glad to know there were "good samaritans" out there. ah, well. i don't generally let such stuff get to my head - it's all in my superhero day job of "do unto others" - and besides, it's not like there are dozens of good samaritan opportunities every day.

( fast forward a few days )

WANTED:

life coach skilled at instilling good time management practices and, most importantly, sytematizing creative processes. focus should be on eradication of procrastination and ADD-like tendencies.

replacement of sleep-dep-induced creative manias with conventional, 9-5 methods that are just as interestingly productive is HIGHLY DESIRED. i repeat, with emphasis: INCREDIBLY HIGHLY DESIRED.

black market prescription of ritalin should not be required. although at this point i'm open to suggestion.

pay is negotiable. my body is already well-taken but i'll have a slightly-fried brain and what had better be a damn good paper available shortly.

please contact me. if i'm out of my mind, just leave a message.

*posted. i have NO clue why nobody's answered yet.

has anybody participated in National Novel Writing Month (NaNoMo)? i calcluate that you have to write about 3-5 typewritten pages, per day, to achieve the 175pp/ 50,000 word goal in one month.

if you have tried NaNoMo (vwip, i think you did last year?), or heard of someone who did -- aside from the fact that busy people don't actually have TIME for such frivolous pursuits, what was your/their experience with it? fun, ridiculous, tiring, boring, lost steam, got published, only 1/3 of what was written was readable, what?

what do you want to hear?

this year's second full moon lunar eclipse starts at 00:52 PDT and reaches totality at 4° into the constellation of pisces, early tuesday AM from 02:52 until 04:22 PDT. it's visible from north america, at least. i'm gonna have a nap, and then head out to the beach with some hot choc and a blankie to watch it go multicoloured, while the superstitious peasants all cower in fear.

let us hold hands and collectively view this wonder of nature!

as the story goes, when i was a left-dominant 5-year-old, & exposed to a bunch of (presumably right-handed) kids in kindergarten, i came home and announced to my mother that i would henceforth be right-handed. from that day forward, so it was.

some 25 years later, forgetting that sordid history, while i was a poor university student i signed up to earn $20 for a motor-skills study on right-handed people. much to my surprise, the "screening" physical motor-skills test pronounced me AMBIDEXTROUS and therefore ineligible for the study. they noticed my puzzlement and quizzed me - did i dance? do tai-chi? anything that would require left to be right and right to be left? not really. i just considered myself a rightie who did leftie things. destined to continue my poverty, i left the lab musing about my handed identity. was i a leftie? was i a rightie? if i wrote with my right, how could i be a leftie??

all i can say is that i am definitely right-dominant - but i do switch hands for certain tasks, often consciously, sometimes not. i think it's a matter of training; i learned to write with my right and play softball and all other sports as a rightey; but i use both hands in applying makeup, and i am deliberately random about which hand i use to open doors, hold my bag, and so on. occasionally, i switch my mouse to give my right hand a break. i figured that part of the reason i love climbing is because it's "isometric" - you have no choice but to be able to use both sides equally. i hate games like tennis because it's so side-dominant. on the other hand (pun intended), how many famous sports people, for example, are ambidextrous? wouldn't that give an incredible advantage to be able to switch hands mid-play? or, is specialisation in the physical world like specialisation in the mental world - the more powerful the more concentrated it is?

so now comes this story, about the gene being discovered for left-handedness, and that it's linked to schizophrenia. lefties have asymmetric brains. i fell off a balcony when i was 2, landing on the right side of my forehead... yet despite whatever damage occurred then, i apparently preferred being a southpaw for several more years.

there's schizophrenia and other mental illness in my family, and although i've had my moments of depression and anxiety, maybe even something OCD-like, i consider myself (and am considered) to be pretty stable. i'm not saying that my mental state has been stable through sheer force of will (although some people, knowing how intense my brain can be, might beg to differ...), but now i'm curious. i wonder what life would have been like had i continued with my sinister persuasion. i think i'm gonna re-learn how to be a real leftie, and find out how the other half lives.

if the world was about to end, how would you spend your last moments, and with whom?

you're welcome to comment anonymously, if you like, and all IP logging will be off until monday.

despite the emotional-whirlwind times recently, i wanted to note that there were some really bright spots, giving a kind of poetic beauty to the past few weeks. i think the universe has treated me very well: how better to cope with death, than to be celebrating new life and love?

after a harrowing 30-hour "journey" to london (mechanical delays, schedule delays, union rules, and an airline-sponsored hotel stay...), friends ray and nadine and their new 5-month old, anise, had me stay at their home near regent's park. more specifically, i somehow finagled an entire flat, since nadine's parents had just bought the one upstairs and were away. it's been years since i'd seen either of them; i know ray from decades ago - he's the older brother of my good friend rianti, of previous commentary :) it was fun to see these two so enjoying being parents.

after only 2.5 days in london, i took a train up to edinborough where kelly's friends mo & d put me up in my own room, reinforcing the fact that i received flawlessly generous hospitality for this trip. first day, kelly coaxed me out of bed for a hike around holyrood park, a great big extinct volcano in the centre of the city, perfectly green and rugged, otherwise known as arthur's seat. hike into a dip and you have no clue you're in the middle of an urban setting.

the wedding was a beautiful humanist ceremony, with a traditional ceilidh (pronounced "kay-lee" - silly buggers can't spell) afterwards, during which i got flung about by strong boys in skirts. i think that the skirts thing REALLY should make its way across the pond. now if ONLY i'd sat in front of the newlyweds posing for pictures on stage, i might have snapped evidence of a real scottish flash as ben absentmindedly kneeled on one knee for piccies!

i gave a short reading for the ceremony; THANKFULLY, i didn't choke up and break down sobbing like the first and last wedding i participated in. nothing like a little experience. or maybe that flask of moonshine i kept taking nips of behind uncle bob's head helped. that's ben's best man, justin, and kelly's best woman, cousin leanne.


i took just a few other pics - i ended up having only 3.5 days in edinborough (?! seemed like longer), but it was long enough to see that the city is gorgeously replete with old castles and cathedrals, that we just don't get on this part of the globe. one day i'll go back and do the place justice.

and a special note to ben and kelly and vanessa for the quiet bottle of wine before i left: thankyou. it meant a lot.

mother, wife, sweetheart, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, hairdresser, gardener, dancer, caregiver, savvy shopper, cook extraordinaire, pretty lady, quick wit, elegant francophone, maîtresse de son domaine, of a rare generation. my grandmother.

the funeral was on friday: i had just begun my holidays in the UK but flew back standby to be here with family. i couldn't have NOT been here.

1946, age 18:


1953, age 25 (when cheesecake style was de rigeur)

sometimes my day feels kinda like this: ( courtesy of my kitteh, 'jazz' )